Aging and Sexuality

One of the inevitable realities of the human body is the fact we age.  Every one of us will need to address the impact of aging on our sexuality.  The cultural messages about aging and sexuality was briefly highlighted in the cultural and identity section. Two classic examples are the belief that “Old people are alone.” “Sex is only for the young.” As you build your recovery, it is important to address the cultural messages you have heard about aging.  This can be done by examining each section in the workbook with the questions, “What is the impact of aging on _____(fill in the blank).  “What is the relationship between __________(fill in the blank), aging, and my chemical use.”   One example of this relationship is that we might use chemicals as a way to cope with the loneliness we feel as we age.

It is also important to address the physical consequences of aging on the physical body and the impact on sexuality.  The range in changes that occur in the body as we age are significant.  A few of these changes are listed simply to get you started in your journey.

The intensity of the sexual response cycle changes as we age.  It may take longer to get aroused. For both men and women, the intensity of arousal can slowly decrease as we get older.  The intensity of the orgasm may lesson. The refractory period between orgasms increases. 

 Men and women struggle with changes to our genitals.  Women might not create enough lubrication for penetration. Men often loose intensity in erections.

Hormonal changes for both men and women occur.  Menopause was briefly highlighted in the section on Women’s Sexuality.  Men’s level of testosterone slowly decreases over time.

 Our body changes, as compared to the unrealistic ideal images of a man or woman.

Assignment

Review your responses to the messages you have about aging from the section on Cultural Identity (page).

Describe 2-3 examples where your sexual expression has changed as a result of aging.

Describe 2-3 sexual health concerns you have as you grow older.

What would your genitals say?

To increase your self-awareness, it is important to be aware of the unspoken messages that are part of your inner story. One assignment is to write a response to the question, “What would your genitals say?” The impact of Internet sexual compulsivity can include a distortion of body image and genital image. I find these two topics are some of the biggest issues in a person’s recovery process. This assignment primary addresses both body image (and your image of your genitals) as well as shame associated with sexuality.

The assignment:

Write 1-2 pages about what your genitals would say if they could talk. Include any thoughts and feelings about the size, look and/or feel of your genitals, where they’ve been, and what has occurred with them. Include things you like and dislike. Describe any possible sources of the thoughts, as appropriate.

Body Image, Partners Support and Sexual Health

One component of sexual health is body image. One critique of sexually explicit material is that it sets unrealistic expectations for men and women regarding body image as well as genital image. Without a doubt, mainstream American culture worships the perfect body and sets unrealistic expectations for both men and women.

Researchers continue to examine contributing factors to struggles regarding body image. Research suggests that a person’s self-image is linked to the partner’s response. As one could guess, individual who struggle with body image issues have a better response to treatment progress with the support of a primary romantic partner. Individuals who receive this support have less stress and anxiety. Negative reactions from partners led to increased struggles with body image.

There are three implications that I think are important. First, for individuals who struggle with body image issues, the key is to gain support from the primary partner. Second, if the partner isn’t supportive, I think it is important to address the negative impact of the partner’s behavior. As you could guess, hearing “Your fat.” isn’t going to help individuals address body image. Third, as one could guess, partners are also pummeled by the same cultural messages. Partners may need training and education as well as feedback regarding providing the necessary support.

Much of this appears to be common sense. Explicit positive and negative messages about a person’s body can easily be recognized for the. The difficulty, however, lies is recognizing implicit, hidden, or subtle positive and/or negative messages. For individuals struggling with sexual health concerns, assessing the messages is important.



Reference:
Weller, J & Dziegielewski S. (2004) The Relationship Between Romantic Partner Support Styles and Body Image Disturbance Journal of Human Behavior in the Social Environment, 10(2) DOI: 10.1300/J137v10n02_04

Body Image

1. In general, I like how my body looks.

2. I like the look of my genitals.

3. I feel I am too thin.

4. I like how my breast/chest looks.

5. R. I am uncomfortable with several parts of my body.

6. It is important for me to make my body look good.

7. I have had cosmetic surgery to change my looks.

8. Overall, I feel my body is attractive.

9. FOR MEN: I like the size of my penis. FOR WOMEN: I like the size of my breasts.

10. R. I want to look more masculine.

11. R. I want to look more feminine.

12. R. I feel I am overweight.

Score 1 point for each no to questions 1-4, 6-9.

Score 1 point for each yes to questions 5, 10-12.

The higher the score, the bigger the concern with body image issues.

A component of sexual health is body image. This involves challenging the notion of one narrow standard of beauty and encouraging self-acceptance. Sexual health requires a development of a realistic positive body image. The necessary work in moving toward sexual health suggests that this is a major issue for all people and may be the last issue resolved according to professions who treat eating disorders. Body image incorporates so many parts of our perceptions, internal messages, external messages, and feelings that it is difficult to address.

Culturally what is considered beautiful changes across time and circumstances. The key to addressing body image is that it is COMPLETELY cultural. The objectification of women has been occurring for a while; recent developments have started the objectification of men as well. Given the cultural emphasis on unrealistic images of the body, the negative messages both genders face are tremendous. The impact of sexually explicit material also raises concerns in the role it has in shaping a person’s view of their body.

While a lot of people struggle with cultural body, there is a mental health diagnosis that reflects significant body image issues. Body dysmorphic disorder is characterized by constantly compare your appearance with others, possibly refusing to let your picture be taken, or are extremely self-conscious in photos, keep checking a certain body part that you think is flawed (e.g., your nose or belly) as well as measure the flaw frequently, feeling anxious and self-conscious around other people, calling yourself names, completing plastic surgery, and often dissatisfaction with the results of plastic surgery,

Developing a Healthy Body Image

Here are some guidelines (Adapted from BodyLove: Learning to Like Our Looks and Ourselves, Rita Freeman, Ph.D.) that can help you work toward a positive body image:

1. Listen to your body. Eat when you are hungry.

2 .Be realistic about the size you are likely to be based on your genetic and environmental history.

3. Exercise regularly in an enjoyable way, regardless of size.

4. Expect normal weekly and monthly changes in weight and shape

5. Work towards self acceptance and self forgiveness- be gentle with yourself.

6. Ask for support and encouragement from friends and family when life is stressful.

7. Decide how you wish to spend your energy -- pursuing the "perfect body image" or enjoying family, friends, school and, most importantly, life.

One assignment I will sometimes give clients is to list 100 negative messages they say about themselves, their body, or hear from the culture. The reason I do this is to help the client become aware of the negative self talk. You can’t change what you don’t recognize. Next, for each negative message, I have them review and investigate the source of the message. Was it TV, family, culture, sexual minority culture? Finally I encourage them to identify positive messages to balance the negative messages.

Examine your sexual history. How has messages regarding body image impacted your sexual behavior. What behaviors have you done or not done in response to the messages? How do you feel about your body now? Describe a realistic and healthy body image.