Getting you and your partner off.

o increase your sexual satisfaction, it is important to address the six most common types of sexual performance problems.

Impotence problems reflect struggles with achieving and maintaining an erection.

Ejaculation problems
Sometimes a guy gets off too quickly or not able to get off at all. Ejaculation is when come is present and is not the same as an orgasm. They are often linked, so confusion is possible.

Orgasm problems
Some people aren't able to orgasm. An orgasm is the body response that is “involuntary” to sexual arousal. It is equivalent to the “sneezing” response of the body --it is going to happen no matter what.

Anal pain
Some people have too much pain when getting penetrated.

Low Sexual Desire
Sexual desire changes over time, both in terms of frequency and targets of sexual pleasure.

Sexual Aversion
An avoidance of sexuality or sexual behavior.

Obstacles To Blast Off

Medical care
You've heard it before but it still holds true. The first place of intervention is to get a complete medical check-up and address any medical issues. The causes of sexual dysfunction are varied and require tailored treatment plans. Medical issues could be age, high blood pressure, side effects of medications, etc. If there is a medical condition, no amount of talk therapy will help.

Knowledge
Many partners don't know how to stimulate their partners. Your job is to ask your partner what he likes just as it is your job to share with your partner what you like. Each of us has body parts more arousing for us. On the topic of masturbation and lasting longer, I highlighted the importance of getting to know your body and sharing this with your partner. Great sex requires talking with each other about what you like as well as what you don't like

Life
Sometimes life events such as stress, lack of sleep, job changes impair your ability to function. In these cases, healthy coping with the events will help you on the sexual functioning level.

Mental Health
Anxiety, depression, self-esteem, performance anxiety, and fear of disapproval are examples of mental health concerns that may impair getting off.

Reality
Keeping a realistic expectation is important. Older guys typically have a longer time between the ability to have an erection and the intensity of ejaculation changes (usually for the worse) than younger guys. If we compare ourselves to the young porn stars all the time, we're bound to have difficulties.

It's just the wrong time?
This is a catch all category. Take a look at what might be getting in the way. If you're going for a quickie, the rush and pace of the setting can curb your libido. And 'newsflash' guys; if you've been drinking expect things to take longer to happen, if they happen at all.

What You Can Do

1. Get a medical check-up. As the commercials go, make sure you're healthy enough for sex.
2. Learn about your body. What do you like or don't like. Share this with your partner and ask him about what he likes and doesn't like.
3. Address external circumstances in your life such as stress, exhaustion etc.
4. Address mental health issues related to functioning. A conversation with a professional may help.
5. Be realistic in light of age, circumstances, or setting.
6. Take your time. Improved sexual functioning is a process of practice, taking your time and learning what works and doesn't work. With a partner, using various touch techniques can decrease anxiety and address internal messages. Shame due to poor body image can be addressed through mutual affirmation with a partner which can take time. Addressing anal pain requires time to loosen the muscles allowing a guy to be penetrated.
7. Focus on other forms of sexual pleasure other than exclusive attention to the erection or orgasm.

Sexual Functioning

One of the components of the sexual health model is freedom from problems with sexual functioning. The treatment of dysfunction issues falls generally into two categories, physical issues and mental health issues. The first place of intervention for sexual dysfunction is to obtain a complete medical check-up. If there is a medical condition, no amount of therapy will help address the issue. If the medical issues are identified and resolved and do not appear to be cause of the functioning issues, it is important to seek help to address the additional issues. The causes of sexual dysfunction are varied require an equally number of treatment plans that are beyond the focus here. The goal is to help you possibly identify the issue and respond with plans.

The majority of physical functioning issues include:

Female Dysfunction issues.

Dyspareunia and Vaginismus are issues addressing female genitalia. The causes are varied. A medical review is required to address the cause and treatment. Once medically treated medically, you and your doctor can identify strategies to adjust for the medical issue. While the majority of causes are medical, there may be some psychological issues (such as unresolved abuse issues) that can contribute to the condition.

Male Dysfunction issues.

Male dysfunction issues are typically categorized as impotence problems and (premature and retarded) ejaculation problems. The key is to first get a medical check-up to eliminate physical causes.

Both Male and Female Dysfunction issues. :

Orgasm problems: Problems with achieving orgasms occurs for both men and women, yet are often experienced more often by women. Treatment may or may not be physical and require a medical review. Sometimes, the partners of females need education to assist women in achieving an orgasm.

Low Sexual Desire: Sexual desire changes over time; sometimes a decrease in sexual desire is normal, other times it may be a problem due to medical issues (such as hormone changes) or mental health issues.

Sexual Aversion is when there is an avoidance of sexuality or sexual behavior. More often this is a mental health issues.

Finally, it is important to review how your sexual behavior has changed to cope with sexual functioning concerns. Review your sexual behavior timeline/history, are there any correlation with functioning issues? Have there been changes in your sexual behavior because of functioning concerns (increased masturbation/pornography use b/c of problems with erections). Medication changes/chemical use, depression can all adversely impact your sexual functioning. Are any of these relevant? If sexual functioning concerns are present, what are your plans to address the issues?