Sex, Shame, Fear, Recovery, Hope, Life

I was keenly reminded how difficult it is to talk about sexual health issues in general and sexual compulsivity in particular. For many individuals, the first steps toward discussing sexual issues are shaped by shame, embarrassment, fear and guilt. I can not stress enough how NORMAL these feelings are when opening up a new area of growth. While it is easy to say, I also know how many of these thoughts and feelings are irrational, based in cultural messages that “sex is bad,” and a general aversion to addressing sexuality.

Even though these reactions are normal, I’m also aware how important it is to start the process of talking about your sexual health concerns. My experience suggests that sexuality is at the core of many of the most important aspects of our life. For many people in recovery, sexuality is the last issue to be addressed. At the same time, it is often the last issue counselors want to (and in some causes are trained) to address.

In almost every situation when someone starts the process of addressing sexuality, the reaction eventually has been positive. The energy “protecting” the shame is released allowing the energy to be directed toward life giving actions. New possibilities are created allowing the individual to life a new life.

What do you need to start the process?

Small Gifts and the Persistence of Recovery

My office away from my office away from my home is Bruegger's Bagels in Uptown Minnesota on Lake and Humboldt. I'm "well-known" by the staff, who often treat me like "Norm" from the sit-com "Cheers." My Diet Coke is poured and ready by the time I make it to the register! (Thanks Guys!)

While working on a presentation (which I will post on Thursday), a client I haven't seen in nearly two years stopped by out of the blue and said hi. I had heard bad things --bad relapse, bad consequences, and the like. He filled in the missing blanks and acknowledges significant recovery --the longest in a while.

I took away from the conversation two important things.

First, the power of awakening. Whether you use spirituality, 12 steps, religion, or CBT, there is a moment of choice. In that moment, I choose "A" or I choose "B." And these moments are often small (I call them pivot points), but the long-term impact is significant. I heard in his story the moment of choice. I heard in that moment a choice to live. He started to create a new future.

Second, often in my role as a clinician, I never hear about the long-term impact of my work. I am humbled to hear and accept his gratitude for our work together. When clients "disappear" I do find myself concerned; I'm also constrained that I'm not able to follow-up. The update is appreciated. In his update, I'm re-affirmed in my comment to sexual health and the work I choose to do.