--turns out this is my 200th post.
As the saying goes, “Death by a thousand paper cuts.” Life, then, is created by a thousand moments of transformation. Living a life you live is based on a transformation of your daily life.
One of the assignments from the workbook is identifying values or virtues important in your life. These values are selected from moments where you feel inspired, reflecting on why you admire certain people, and a few additional strategies (see the blogs on pivot points, values, creating your future).
The current paradigm I emphasize is based on helping an individual make a choice between acting out or choosing something he/she finds important. Today’s blog is to also emphasize how you can cultivate the virtues on a daily basis outside of the crisis moments. The key in cultivating a life you love is to identify values to shape your behavior at all times. By cultivating these experiences on a daily basis, an individual will be able to move toward the type of life he/she desires.
For example, take the principle/virtue of courage. Courage has many definitions, and the one I like is, “Courage isn’t acting without fear, it is acting in spit of feeling fear.” This definition is helpful in shaping ALL of your behaviors moving forward. Asking yourself, “What is the courageous thing to do in this moment?” can help you overcome the small little fears in daily living. It might be as simple as assertively communicating your requests, saying yes when you mean yes, being honest about how you think/feel, being proactive (vs. passive), and a multitude of other behaviors. Courage may strangely be the opposite, depending on the circumstances. Courage might be simply waiting for the situation to naturally unfold, trusting others in their statements, or giving up control.
The value of expressing courage is to address the infinite times where you might feel the anxiety/fear/hesitation in your DAILY life. It is in the daily moments where we are fully alive. It is also the daily moments that become the building blocks for the times when we experience a major trigger/risk of relapse. The daily practice can help us respond to the larger events is a courageous manner.
Showing posts with label pivot points. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pivot points. Show all posts
Monday, June 27, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Life's Pivots Points
Throughout life, there are moments when what is, is no longer. Based on a new awareness, life changes. I define these moments as pivot points. When a pivot points occur, the trajectory of your life pivots, and you change the direction of your life. Sometimes the pivot points are “big” and impact a lot of people, other times the pivot point is uniquely your own. Sometimes the change is positive, and other times the change may be negative.
We all experience pivot points. Here are some examples.
• Many individuals in the United States see 9/11 as a pivot point. It changed the trajectory of the country. And both sides argue whether or not the country’s response was positive or not.
• The moment in your personal experience where you decide to start or end a relationship. While the relationship process may take a while, there is often a moment when you know something has changed.
• Ever been so angry with someone, that you hold a huge resentment? After you gather your courage to talk to the person, you find the individual doesn’t remember the incident. This is an example of a pivot point in YOUR life.
• Ever have someone apologize to you for something that you don’t remember? That incident was a pivot point to THEM.
• Sometimes pivot points are about self-awareness. For example recognizing how you engage in disrespectful behaviors toward yourself or others. Or, coming to awareness that you are attracted to someone of the same sex.
• Other pivot points are spiritual. In the 12-step tradition, step 1 reflects the moment when an addict surrenders to the powerlessness of the addiction/compulsivity. Being reborn within a religious tradition is another example.
• Any experience of transference (discussed in a previous blog entry).
The key for self-growth is to increase your awareness of the large and small pivot points. Too often we simply focus on “big” pivot points. But many pivots occur on a daily basis; consider them the small daily self-corrections in your life like the continual corrections when you drive a car. By sitting back and reviewing the pivot points, you have an opportunity to examine the underlying issue leading to awareness and transformation.
To this day, one of my favorite scripture passages from my seminary studies is 1 Kings 19:11-13
A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but God wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn't in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper. When Elijah heard the quiet voice, he muffled his face with his great cloak, went to the mouth of the cave, and stood there.
I see the small pivot points in my daily life as the whisper of God. My response to the pivot points demonstrates what is key in my life.
We all experience pivot points. Here are some examples.
• Many individuals in the United States see 9/11 as a pivot point. It changed the trajectory of the country. And both sides argue whether or not the country’s response was positive or not.
• The moment in your personal experience where you decide to start or end a relationship. While the relationship process may take a while, there is often a moment when you know something has changed.
• Ever been so angry with someone, that you hold a huge resentment? After you gather your courage to talk to the person, you find the individual doesn’t remember the incident. This is an example of a pivot point in YOUR life.
• Ever have someone apologize to you for something that you don’t remember? That incident was a pivot point to THEM.
• Sometimes pivot points are about self-awareness. For example recognizing how you engage in disrespectful behaviors toward yourself or others. Or, coming to awareness that you are attracted to someone of the same sex.
• Other pivot points are spiritual. In the 12-step tradition, step 1 reflects the moment when an addict surrenders to the powerlessness of the addiction/compulsivity. Being reborn within a religious tradition is another example.
• Any experience of transference (discussed in a previous blog entry).
The key for self-growth is to increase your awareness of the large and small pivot points. Too often we simply focus on “big” pivot points. But many pivots occur on a daily basis; consider them the small daily self-corrections in your life like the continual corrections when you drive a car. By sitting back and reviewing the pivot points, you have an opportunity to examine the underlying issue leading to awareness and transformation.
To this day, one of my favorite scripture passages from my seminary studies is 1 Kings 19:11-13
A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but God wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn't in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper. When Elijah heard the quiet voice, he muffled his face with his great cloak, went to the mouth of the cave, and stood there.
I see the small pivot points in my daily life as the whisper of God. My response to the pivot points demonstrates what is key in my life.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Small Gifts and the Persistence of Recovery
My office away from my office away from my home is Bruegger's Bagels in Uptown Minnesota on Lake and Humboldt. I'm "well-known" by the staff, who often treat me like "Norm" from the sit-com "Cheers." My Diet Coke is poured and ready by the time I make it to the register! (Thanks Guys!)
While working on a presentation (which I will post on Thursday), a client I haven't seen in nearly two years stopped by out of the blue and said hi. I had heard bad things --bad relapse, bad consequences, and the like. He filled in the missing blanks and acknowledges significant recovery --the longest in a while.
I took away from the conversation two important things.
First, the power of awakening. Whether you use spirituality, 12 steps, religion, or CBT, there is a moment of choice. In that moment, I choose "A" or I choose "B." And these moments are often small (I call them pivot points), but the long-term impact is significant. I heard in his story the moment of choice. I heard in that moment a choice to live. He started to create a new future.
Second, often in my role as a clinician, I never hear about the long-term impact of my work. I am humbled to hear and accept his gratitude for our work together. When clients "disappear" I do find myself concerned; I'm also constrained that I'm not able to follow-up. The update is appreciated. In his update, I'm re-affirmed in my comment to sexual health and the work I choose to do.
While working on a presentation (which I will post on Thursday), a client I haven't seen in nearly two years stopped by out of the blue and said hi. I had heard bad things --bad relapse, bad consequences, and the like. He filled in the missing blanks and acknowledges significant recovery --the longest in a while.
I took away from the conversation two important things.
First, the power of awakening. Whether you use spirituality, 12 steps, religion, or CBT, there is a moment of choice. In that moment, I choose "A" or I choose "B." And these moments are often small (I call them pivot points), but the long-term impact is significant. I heard in his story the moment of choice. I heard in that moment a choice to live. He started to create a new future.
Second, often in my role as a clinician, I never hear about the long-term impact of my work. I am humbled to hear and accept his gratitude for our work together. When clients "disappear" I do find myself concerned; I'm also constrained that I'm not able to follow-up. The update is appreciated. In his update, I'm re-affirmed in my comment to sexual health and the work I choose to do.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Posts
