Transference Updated content

I updated the content on Transference.

Transference is any reaction we have to another person. The individuals with whom we have the strongest reaction are perhaps the people who can teach us the most about our self. Often the experience of transference occurs so quickly, we don’t real-ize neither that it occurred nor are we mindful of the content of the transference. The reality is that transference is how we make sense of the world. We are CONSTANT-LY assessing and judging our environment based on our past experience. It is the past experience applied to the current situation that typifies transference. It is the way we “know” what to do in the current situation. The problem is that no two situations are the same, so sometimes our transference might actually be getting in the way during the current moment. Also, most of the time we focus on negative transference, or the negative reactions we have to someone, but positive transference is also helpful to understand. In any reaction -positive or negative- you can learn what you are feeling and thinking and how it relates to your acting-out cycle. It is your reaction that tells you the most about yourself. The key is to pull back the levels of reaction to focus at the core motives/thoughts. Individuals often try to hide/avoid these thoughts. Ask yourself the following questions: “Why am I having this reaction? Who does this re-mind me of? What memory does this person trigger? Why do I like or dislike this person?” Whatever the response, you can gain insight into your internal thoughts and feelings. As highlighted, transference can occur in positive and negative ways. What I don’t like about a person may often be expression of the things I don’t like about myself. What I do like about a persona may also be an expression of things in my life that I like about myself, or I want but don’t have. What we like and dislike in others reflects our inner core. This is a classic psychological principle that also applies to sexuality. That to which we are drawn reflects an inner craving that we must address. That to which we are rejecting also reflects an inner craving that we must address. Take the opportunity to discover about what moves in you in your life by becoming mindful of your reactions to others. Your strongest reactions reflect a deeper truth. An open, honest and fearless examination of those reactions might create profound transformation and possibility.

Life's Pivots Points

Throughout life, there are moments when what is, is no longer. Based on a new awareness, life changes. I define these moments as pivot points. When a pivot points occur, the trajectory of your life pivots, and you change the direction of your life. Sometimes the pivot points are “big” and impact a lot of people, other times the pivot point is uniquely your own. Sometimes the change is positive, and other times the change may be negative.

We all experience pivot points. Here are some examples.

• Many individuals in the United States see 9/11 as a pivot point. It changed the trajectory of the country. And both sides argue whether or not the country’s response was positive or not.

• The moment in your personal experience where you decide to start or end a relationship. While the relationship process may take a while, there is often a moment when you know something has changed.

• Ever been so angry with someone, that you hold a huge resentment? After you gather your courage to talk to the person, you find the individual doesn’t remember the incident. This is an example of a pivot point in YOUR life.

• Ever have someone apologize to you for something that you don’t remember? That incident was a pivot point to THEM.

• Sometimes pivot points are about self-awareness. For example recognizing how you engage in disrespectful behaviors toward yourself or others. Or, coming to awareness that you are attracted to someone of the same sex.

• Other pivot points are spiritual. In the 12-step tradition, step 1 reflects the moment when an addict surrenders to the powerlessness of the addiction/compulsivity. Being reborn within a religious tradition is another example.

• Any experience of transference (discussed in a previous blog entry).

The key for self-growth is to increase your awareness of the large and small pivot points. Too often we simply focus on “big” pivot points. But many pivots occur on a daily basis; consider them the small daily self-corrections in your life like the continual corrections when you drive a car. By sitting back and reviewing the pivot points, you have an opportunity to examine the underlying issue leading to awareness and transformation.

To this day, one of my favorite scripture passages from my seminary studies is 1 Kings 19:11-13

A hurricane wind ripped through the mountains and shattered the rocks before God, but God wasn't to be found in the wind; after the wind an earthquake, but God wasn't in the earthquake; and after the earthquake fire, but God wasn't in the fire; and after the fire a gentle and quiet whisper. When Elijah heard the quiet voice, he muffled his face with his great cloak, went to the mouth of the cave, and stood there.

I see the small pivot points in my daily life as the whisper of God. My response to the pivot points demonstrates what is key in my life.

Others as a reflection of your desires

The inside functions like a projector; others become screens and you start seeing films on others which are really your own tapes. OSHO

What we like and dislike in others reflects our inner core. This is a classic psychological principle that also applies to sexuality. That to which we are drawn reflects an inner craving that we must address. That to which we are rejecting also reflects an inner craving that we must address. As posted in earlier blogs, much of the way many individuals cope with sexuality is through repression resulting in a passive suicide. Take the opportunity to discover about what you crave by becoming mindful of your reactions to others. Your strongest reactions reflect a deeper truth. An open, honest and fearless examination of those reactions might create profound transformation and possibility.


The book I'm using a source.

Projection, Transference and Sexuality

The inside functions like a projector;
Others become screens
And you start seeing films on others
Which are really your own tapes.
OSHO


Over the past few weeks, a book I’ve been reading has been a source of reflection for a series of quick blog entries on sexual health. This blog continues this process.

I experience being a target of significant emotional reaction from folks, --either aversion or awe—when they discovery my area of work in sexual health. I’ve been in the field long enough to know it’s not about me, but rather a reflection of the inner workings of the individual (And usually I don’t take it personal, but heck, I’m human.). I’m amazed at how frequently an individual’s reaction reflects their reaction to sexuality. Those who have a strong negative reaction are often projecting the negative feelings of sexuality. The same is true for positive reactions.

In my work, I place a strong emphasis on increasing awareness of your reactions. Anyone who evokes a strong reaction is your teacher. Your reaction is yours. Figure it out. In the realm of fantasy, the entire fantasy is a projection of your inner being. Learn from it. In your dreams, you discover how you want to live in the moment. Start now!




OSHO (1999) Emotions: Freedom from Anger, Jealousy and Fear. OSHO International: New York.

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