You are a sexual being that begins from a place of wholeness.

The basic premise I bring to my work is that you are first and foremost a whole person. Yes, you are a person whose sexuality is sacred. How often have you been told that your sexuality is already whole and worthy of esteem? In the area of sexuality, rarely do we start from the place of sacredness of sexuality. Even linking the term sacred and sexuality brings confusion, shame, fear, and suspicion. Our society shames sexuality. Many religious traditions link sexuality to sinfulness and brokenness. The domain of psychology often focuses on fixing the negative aspects in an individual’s life. Chemical Health and Sexual Health Recovery is a process of surrendering to the addiction and compulsive behaviors, and acknowledging the brokenness of life as a result of the addiction/compulsivity.

Perhaps along the way, you’ve stumbled. Heck, we all do. Nevertheless, in the beginning you started in an honored place. This honored place included an integration of your sexuality as a positive energy in your life. In our current society, this seems impossible to conceptualize. What would it look like to come back to the place of integration, wholeness, and yes, even sacredness of sexuality? What would it look like if for the next moment, you saw your sexuality as a profound gift? How would your life change if you embraced this energy?

Sexual Wellness

updated for a new workbook (Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Sexual Wellness)

Believe it or not, sexual wellness is not defined within the field of psychology. A literature review of both psychology and medicine literature databases identified three articles. A search of “sexual wellness” on the Internet also finds few resources. The vast number of websites focus on functioning better, preventing disease, or preventing pregnancy. Other websites focus on sexual toys. Very few websites address a robust definition of wellness. It is a new concept when we address sexual wellness.

To move toward a definition of sexual wellness, it is helpful to understand wellness. The website definitionofwellness.com provides a nice definition I like. They even talk about dimensions of wellness, but of course one of the missing dimensions is sexual wellness.

Given the lack of an existing definition, the definition of sexual wellness I am establishing for this workbook is that sexual wellness is the movement toward sexual health. Sexual Wellness is the active participation of the individual in his or her life by addressing the numerous issues within sexual health. This requires active participation and movement. The purpose of this workbook is to help expand specific topics from the literature to help you move toward improved sexual health. The process is what we define as sexual wellness. While I cover a number of topics, the information is simply the tip of the iceberg. You are encouraged to seek out and find more information.

Sexual Health For All/Pursuit of Sexual Happiness

Why start a second workbook.

Shortly after completing the first workbook, I started this edition. The workbook evolves from the request of “I don’t have a problem, but I want to learn more.” I struggle with some of the topics, but I’m not compulsive/addictive/avoidant, simply unhappy in the realm of sexuality. While people used the compulsivity workbook, it wasn’t really the best fit. Thus started this workbook.

More than 100 years ago, Williams James highlighted the concepts of once-born and twice-born people. The once-born rarely considers evil, or even imperfections within the self. Once-born are not naïve. They simply have a perception of their identity that is straightforward and direct. The application of these concepts to the field of sexuality is very helpful. Once-borns never think about sexuality, it’s not any issue. They simply exist as sexual beings and usually have a level of contentment that the second-born never experience. If you have the advantaged of being once-born, congratulations.

Twice-born individuals, however, have the opposite experience. For any number of reasons, twice-borns struggle in life. Life is something to understand and challenge. The inner conflict is an integral part of the difference. As you could guess, the conflict extends to the realm of sexuality.

This workbook is committed to both once-born and twice-born. For the once-born, I hope to provide resources to help you understand the diversity of sexuality, and the richness that can develop in response to discovery.

For the twice-born, I empathize with your journey. I too have journeyed the depths of confusion, despair, frustration and paralysis. I would add, however, that integration and happiness is possible. “Living a life I Love” is possible, just like the once-born. This workbook is designed to provide a breadth of information in your journey. When you find a topic particularly relevant, seek out more information.

Often, when a once-born and twice-born are partnered, the probability of conflict is extremely high. The once-born simply doesn’t understand the difficulties. This understanding isn’t out of ignorance or avoidance, or minimizing. They simply don’t understand. Hopefully reading and working through these topics you will understand your partner. My hope is to help you both develop the wherewithal to provide and facilitate mutual understanding, respect and love.

What Is Sexual Wellness?

I started my next workbook. As before, I will incorporate parts of the topics in this blog. The first blog from the new workbook is on Sexual Wellness.

Believe it or not, sexual wellness is not defined within the field of psychology. A literature review of both psychology and medicine literature databases identified three articles. A brief review of the internet also finds few resources. One website, http://www.definitionofwellness.com/ highlights 10 different types of wellness but fails to include sexual wellness in this list. Amazon.com, for example, highlights dildos, condoms and lubricants. A few websites offer services toward sexual wellness. Ohio State University (http://swc.osu.edu/for-students/sexual-wellness/), for example, highlights many aspects of helping the student move toward developing skills integrating behaviors and values. The term as defined on their webpage elicits the idea of sexual health as defined in this workbook. The dictionary defines wellness as the quality of being in good health especially as an actively sought goal.

Given the lack of an existing definition, the definition of sexual wellness we are establishing for this workbook is that sexual wellness is the movement toward sexual health. All of the issues, concerns, and barriers within the concept of sexual health are integrated into this definition. Sexual Wellness is the active participation of the individual in his or her life by addressing the numerous issues within sexual health. This requires active participation and movement. The purpose of this workbook is to help expand specific topics from the literature to help you move toward improved sexual health. The process is what we define as sexual wellness.