The basic premise I bring to my work is that you are first and foremost a whole person. Yes, you are a person whose sexuality is sacred. How often have you been told that your sexuality is already whole and worthy of esteem? In the area of sexuality, rarely do we start from the place of sacredness of sexuality. Even linking the term sacred and sexuality brings confusion, shame, fear, and suspicion. Our society shames sexuality. Many religious traditions link sexuality to sinfulness and brokenness. The domain of psychology often focuses on fixing the negative aspects in an individual’s life. Chemical Health and Sexual Health Recovery is a process of surrendering to the addiction and compulsive behaviors, and acknowledging the brokenness of life as a result of the addiction/compulsivity.
Perhaps along the way, you’ve stumbled. Heck, we all do. Nevertheless, in the beginning you started in an honored place. This honored place included an integration of your sexuality as a positive energy in your life. In our current society, this seems impossible to conceptualize. What would it look like to come back to the place of integration, wholeness, and yes, even sacredness of sexuality? What would it look like if for the next moment, you saw your sexuality as a profound gift? How would your life change if you embraced this energy?
Showing posts with label defining sexual health. Show all posts
Showing posts with label defining sexual health. Show all posts
Saturday, October 1, 2011
Sunday, November 7, 2010
What is sexual health?
“You simply remain authentic: you don’t know what is good and what is bad, you don’t know what is positive and what is negative. You are simply authentic. This authenticity will allow you to have a glimpse of the real.” OSHO
What is sexual health?
There are an abundance of formal definitions of sexual health. And still, what is sexual health? The quote reflects the key to sexual health in my opinion. It is simply authenticity. It is neither good, nor bad, simply authentic. And it is YOUR authenticity, not what you think others think should be authentic to you. Yes, that reads awkwardly, but the key is to focus on your authenticity. Clients will often worry about what family, friends, partners, and others think is important that they loose their voice.
Authenticity is more than simply doing what you want when it comes to sexuality; it is engaging in behaviors that express the core of who you are. The key for me is the core; your heart of hearts. From that core, sexual health is authentic.
OSHO (1999) Emotions: Freedom from Anger, Jealousy and Fear. OSHO International: New York.
This is currently available as a free kindle ebook on Amazon. (The kindle version is no longer free, updated 11/16)
What is sexual health?
There are an abundance of formal definitions of sexual health. And still, what is sexual health? The quote reflects the key to sexual health in my opinion. It is simply authenticity. It is neither good, nor bad, simply authentic. And it is YOUR authenticity, not what you think others think should be authentic to you. Yes, that reads awkwardly, but the key is to focus on your authenticity. Clients will often worry about what family, friends, partners, and others think is important that they loose their voice.
Authenticity is more than simply doing what you want when it comes to sexuality; it is engaging in behaviors that express the core of who you are. The key for me is the core; your heart of hearts. From that core, sexual health is authentic.
OSHO (1999) Emotions: Freedom from Anger, Jealousy and Fear. OSHO International: New York.
This is currently available as a free kindle ebook on Amazon. (The kindle version is no longer free, updated 11/16)
Monday, October 25, 2010
Bi Cities
My interview on Bi Cities about sexuality, chemical dependency, and sexual health.
Enjoy!
Weston
Enjoy!
Weston
Thursday, May 6, 2010
I need help with my luggage. Another scandal
In the last few days, another scandal broke regarding homosexuality and the Christian right. In short, George Rekers, a Baptist minister who provided testimony against gays, served on the Board of NARTH (National Association of Rehabilitation and Treatment of Homosexuality), and on the board of a predecessor to Focus on the Family was seen with a sex worker who advertised on RENTBOY.COM. The unfolding discussion can easily be Googled on the net.
The focus of my blog is on three parts.
First I feel anger and frustration at the ongoing hypocrisy of members in the Christian Right. A long laundry list is found here. Sadly, the frustration is often expressed through the comment “here’s another one.”
Second, I do have compassion for Dr. Rekers. Here is a man who has denied a major part of his identity for all of his life, only to have the issue exposed in a scandal. Dr. Rekers' behavior can easily be understood as a form of psychological defense: reaction formation --attack the parts of my life that I hate. His stance against homosexuality over his lifetime takes on a new understanding in light of the scandal. It is easy to see how his avoidance grows over time.
Third, I want to use Dr. Rekers’ experience to highlight the need for personal sexual health in the treatment of sexual compulsivity. (While I don't label Dr. Reker's behavior as sexually compulsivity, I do want to acknowledge how this defense is sometimes present in individuals who do struggle with sexual compulsivity.) A component of sexual health is to be able to talk about all aspects of your sexuality. The conversation doesn’t need to occur in the national press, but I stress the importance of talking about sexuality with your support network. Needless to say, sexual health implies the congruence between your identity and behavior. Please review the recent conversations on integrity. In promoting sexual health, my hope is that you can find that congruence. If it isn’t there, please seek help and support.
Citation:
I found the euphemism on Andrew Sullivan’s Blog “The Daily Dish.”
The focus of my blog is on three parts.
First I feel anger and frustration at the ongoing hypocrisy of members in the Christian Right. A long laundry list is found here. Sadly, the frustration is often expressed through the comment “here’s another one.”
Second, I do have compassion for Dr. Rekers. Here is a man who has denied a major part of his identity for all of his life, only to have the issue exposed in a scandal. Dr. Rekers' behavior can easily be understood as a form of psychological defense: reaction formation --attack the parts of my life that I hate. His stance against homosexuality over his lifetime takes on a new understanding in light of the scandal. It is easy to see how his avoidance grows over time.
Third, I want to use Dr. Rekers’ experience to highlight the need for personal sexual health in the treatment of sexual compulsivity. (While I don't label Dr. Reker's behavior as sexually compulsivity, I do want to acknowledge how this defense is sometimes present in individuals who do struggle with sexual compulsivity.) A component of sexual health is to be able to talk about all aspects of your sexuality. The conversation doesn’t need to occur in the national press, but I stress the importance of talking about sexuality with your support network. Needless to say, sexual health implies the congruence between your identity and behavior. Please review the recent conversations on integrity. In promoting sexual health, my hope is that you can find that congruence. If it isn’t there, please seek help and support.
Citation:
I found the euphemism on Andrew Sullivan’s Blog “The Daily Dish.”
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Why does a person stop at a stop sign? The role of discovery in sexual health.
One of my favorite exercises is to ask a client: Why does a person stop at a stop sign? After a moment of confusion often based on the thought “what is the purpose of that stupid question” the client will usually respond with a nice answer that is sometimes punctuated with an attitude (and for drama, a nice roll of the eyes) of “that is so obvious.” My enjoyment is to follow-up with “Why ELSE might a person stop at a stop sign?” And the exercise continues until the person exhausts all of the answers; usually this is about 2-3 responses. Then I ask them to think of a funny reason, a silly reason, a stupid reason, an absurd reason etc. In one group setting, the group eventually identified 41 reasons why a person might stop at the stop sign. My point had been made. Until you think outside the box, your options are limited.
So often in the realm of sexuality, we assume we know the answer to the question. We’ve been taught, told, indoctrinated, forced, or otherwise encouraged to “know” the right answer that we haven’t thought about what is our response to the question “what is sexual health for me. The movement toward sexual health is a process of discovery and thinking outside the box. Your purpose in this process is to ask, “Why do I think this?” What else may be an answer, response, thought, issue, concern associated with the topic? This process is about unfolding, uncovering, and discovery. A great concept from my experience is the concept of discernment. Discernment is the exercise of discovering, uncovering, and revealing the truth within you (for those with a religious faith, this truth within is believed to be the Spirit acting in your life.).
I want to provide three simple examples where the concept of discernment helps us understand the movement toward sexual health.
In my opinion, staying in or leaving a relationship is a process of discernment. It is uncovering, revealing and discovering the health of the relationship. It requires an honest evaluation of your contribution to the state of the relationship, and assessment whether you are capable or willing to help build, repair or develop the relationship. It requires assessing whether the relationship can be transformed or declaring it should end.
What does it mean to live as a LGBT individual is my second example. There are many cultural factors (religious, family, community) that affect this process. In the end, the individual is charged with discovering what it means for him/her to live as an LGBT individual. I’ve seen it all. From an individual who knew at age 12 they were LGBT and appeared to have little difficulty in the process of living as an LGBT individual to a 70-year-old man coming out and choosing to stay with his wife of many decades.
My third example is to link discernment to sexual behavior. Ultimately it is up to you to determine what behaviors are sexually healthy. In other words, what behaviors help me grow as an individual, foster respect in my life and the life of my partner and the health of my community? As you see in the previous blogs, it is a process to discovery the behaviors that reflect and protect the values you use to shape your life.
Two notes of caution.
Discernment is a process. While the first response to what is healthy may “seem” like the “correct” response, sometimes discovering your personal truth needs time. Many times we edit or limit our thoughts, beliefs and desires. Uncovering sexual health requires you to challenge the thoughts, beliefs and values you assume to be true. Sexual health is about integration resulting from many trials and errors, experimentation, successes and trip-ups. And sexual health is about continuing the process when all seems dark.
Discernment is about responsibility. It requires you to step-up and say, “This is important to me. This is what I believe.” Too often, people avoid this responsibility for any number of fears including fear of judgment, or disapproval. Paradoxically, when you step-up and take responsibility for your journey, freedom is possible. It is also communal in sharing your choices with others. Should you say, “Yes this is me!” but fail to talk with your primary support network, I would say that you are avoiding the responsibility of your choice.
So often in the realm of sexuality, we assume we know the answer to the question. We’ve been taught, told, indoctrinated, forced, or otherwise encouraged to “know” the right answer that we haven’t thought about what is our response to the question “what is sexual health for me. The movement toward sexual health is a process of discovery and thinking outside the box. Your purpose in this process is to ask, “Why do I think this?” What else may be an answer, response, thought, issue, concern associated with the topic? This process is about unfolding, uncovering, and discovery. A great concept from my experience is the concept of discernment. Discernment is the exercise of discovering, uncovering, and revealing the truth within you (for those with a religious faith, this truth within is believed to be the Spirit acting in your life.).
I want to provide three simple examples where the concept of discernment helps us understand the movement toward sexual health.
In my opinion, staying in or leaving a relationship is a process of discernment. It is uncovering, revealing and discovering the health of the relationship. It requires an honest evaluation of your contribution to the state of the relationship, and assessment whether you are capable or willing to help build, repair or develop the relationship. It requires assessing whether the relationship can be transformed or declaring it should end.
What does it mean to live as a LGBT individual is my second example. There are many cultural factors (religious, family, community) that affect this process. In the end, the individual is charged with discovering what it means for him/her to live as an LGBT individual. I’ve seen it all. From an individual who knew at age 12 they were LGBT and appeared to have little difficulty in the process of living as an LGBT individual to a 70-year-old man coming out and choosing to stay with his wife of many decades.
My third example is to link discernment to sexual behavior. Ultimately it is up to you to determine what behaviors are sexually healthy. In other words, what behaviors help me grow as an individual, foster respect in my life and the life of my partner and the health of my community? As you see in the previous blogs, it is a process to discovery the behaviors that reflect and protect the values you use to shape your life.
Two notes of caution.
Discernment is a process. While the first response to what is healthy may “seem” like the “correct” response, sometimes discovering your personal truth needs time. Many times we edit or limit our thoughts, beliefs and desires. Uncovering sexual health requires you to challenge the thoughts, beliefs and values you assume to be true. Sexual health is about integration resulting from many trials and errors, experimentation, successes and trip-ups. And sexual health is about continuing the process when all seems dark.
Discernment is about responsibility. It requires you to step-up and say, “This is important to me. This is what I believe.” Too often, people avoid this responsibility for any number of fears including fear of judgment, or disapproval. Paradoxically, when you step-up and take responsibility for your journey, freedom is possible. It is also communal in sharing your choices with others. Should you say, “Yes this is me!” but fail to talk with your primary support network, I would say that you are avoiding the responsibility of your choice.
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Sexual Health and the Employee Assistance Professional
On October 23rd, I presented in Dallas at the World Conference for the EA Professional. (see http://www.eapassn.org/i4a/pages/index.cfm?pageid=1117) The general topic is sexual health and how the EA professional needs a basic awareness of the sexual health model in triaging employees. As always appropriate self-knowledge, awareness of resources, and targeted referrals is a necessary part of the process.
What was "scary" for the presentation was how little sexual health training many of these folks received in their formal degree program. I know our academic programs are full (remember, I teach in a program), but given the importance of sexuality in everyone's lives, I would advocate for additional training. Playfully, the participants at the conference recognize that they are now the "experts." An expert is someone who has more skill or training than those around him/her. Given that definition, a simple workshop will make someone an expert in that they know more than those around them. If that isn't scary, I don't know what else will.
If you would like a copy of the presentation, please contact me back channel. I will forward a copy of the handout which reviews the sexual health model, and provides specific suggestions for the EA professional.
What was "scary" for the presentation was how little sexual health training many of these folks received in their formal degree program. I know our academic programs are full (remember, I teach in a program), but given the importance of sexuality in everyone's lives, I would advocate for additional training. Playfully, the participants at the conference recognize that they are now the "experts." An expert is someone who has more skill or training than those around him/her. Given that definition, a simple workshop will make someone an expert in that they know more than those around them. If that isn't scary, I don't know what else will.
If you would like a copy of the presentation, please contact me back channel. I will forward a copy of the handout which reviews the sexual health model, and provides specific suggestions for the EA professional.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Are you a counselor or a minister? -My 100th post
A student of mine recently referred to homosexuality as abomination quoting the traditional scriptural references. Given the context, I sternly but respectfully challenged the student to address the cultural bias in his statement. The fact that it occurs in a graduate level course on multiculturalism is a “small problem” (tongue in cheek!). The fact that the program is a Mental Health Counseling program is also a “small problem” (tongue in cheek, again!).
What I would love to say to my students is that they have a choice. You can choose to be a counselor or you can choose to be a minister. If your choice is to be a counselor, you must base your practice on the science of psychology. Being a counselor means that your theology may inform your psychology, but it does not dictate your psychology.
If, in any way, your theology dictates your psychology, you are a minister. Stop the illusion of being a counselor. While I may disagree with your theology, I respect your right to choose a life as a minister. But don’t use the guise of psychology to push your theology. That is malpractice and unethical in my opinion.
The area of human sexuality is where the most damage occurs when theology is confused as psychology. The science of psychology is relatively settled when the issue of abstinence based safer-sex approaches are evaluated. They programs don’t work. In some cases, they create MORE harm.
The question of homosexuality is another area. Despite the research, too many counselors continue to subscribe to the abomination theory of homosexuality; a theory that is simply not supported. You can extend the conversation into areas of masturbation and fantasy.
Are you a counselor or a minister? Choose.
What I would love to say to my students is that they have a choice. You can choose to be a counselor or you can choose to be a minister. If your choice is to be a counselor, you must base your practice on the science of psychology. Being a counselor means that your theology may inform your psychology, but it does not dictate your psychology.
If, in any way, your theology dictates your psychology, you are a minister. Stop the illusion of being a counselor. While I may disagree with your theology, I respect your right to choose a life as a minister. But don’t use the guise of psychology to push your theology. That is malpractice and unethical in my opinion.
The area of human sexuality is where the most damage occurs when theology is confused as psychology. The science of psychology is relatively settled when the issue of abstinence based safer-sex approaches are evaluated. They programs don’t work. In some cases, they create MORE harm.
The question of homosexuality is another area. Despite the research, too many counselors continue to subscribe to the abomination theory of homosexuality; a theory that is simply not supported. You can extend the conversation into areas of masturbation and fantasy.
Are you a counselor or a minister? Choose.
Sunday, October 19, 2008
Helping your Providers Talk about Sex
I'm nearly finished with a workshop presentation for Tuesday that is a training for Chemical Dependency at the annual MARRCH conference in St. Paul Minnesota (www.marrch.org). The workshop highlights the importance of talking about sex, and the need to take a sex history as part of the recovery process. In the workshop I focus on helping the professionals improve their ability and comfort level when they talk about sex. This highlights the probability that as a client who is working on your sexual history, you might be MORE comfortable than the professional. As such, you might have to teach him or her. While this may seem a bit unfair, the overall goal is to improve your health. It is important to talk about your sexual health concerns even if the professional is uncomfortable. It is there job to take care of you, not your job to take care of them.
Think about the last time you visited your doctor, spiritual adviser, dentist, therapist? Where you comfortable talking about sexual health concerns? If not, why? Are there issues you need to address, or is it an issue for your professional. How might you help him or her improve his or her skills?
Think about the last time you visited your doctor, spiritual adviser, dentist, therapist? Where you comfortable talking about sexual health concerns? If not, why? Are there issues you need to address, or is it an issue for your professional. How might you help him or her improve his or her skills?
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Sexual Wellness at the PFLAG Conference
PFLAG Presentation: On Saturday 9/28, I'm presenting at the Northern Plains Regional PFLAG Conference. Their web site is: http://www.pflagtc.org/
As part of the submission/clarification process, I was asked to integrate a sexual health approach that could apply to everyone, and not just those who struggle with sexual compulsivity, sexual addiction and/or sexual anorexia. I've included the basics of this workshop here. If you have read other blog entries, you'll see similarity between this post and previous posts. The biggest similarity is with the blog "creating your personal definition of sexual health." This post reflects some further development in the past few months.
Toward a Personal Definition of Sexual Health.
To start with, it is important to define sexual health. The definition of sexual health that I like is published by the World Health Organization. They define sexual health as a . . .
“. . . state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being related to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled” (WHO, 2002).
The definition is complex and represents nearly 30 years of scholarship and development. Sexual health is more a process than a dichotomy answered by a yes/no response. As treatment continues, the key is to help the client develop and improve his or her sexual health. The theoretical model within this workbook is based on Robinson et al (2002) who provides a model consisting of 10 components and highlights the necessary components of defining healthy sexual behaviors. Integrated into the treatment philosophy is an explicit goal of helping the client clarify his or her appropriate sexual behaviors.
1. Talking About Sex
I ask people to identify (or develop) 5 confidants. This means selecting individuals where they understand all aspects of your responses to the questions below. A common theme is the struggle to be open and honest with the important people in your life. I consistently see how people avoid talking with others, disclosing their sex history, or reaching out for help, or breaking the isolation because of fear and shame. A relevant 12-step tradition is "Our secrets keep us sick." Anything you're not talking with these individuals about is an issue to be addressed.
2. Culture and Sexual Identity
• What are my values I learned about sexuality from my culture, be it in a religious tradition, racial culture, social economic status, or sexual minority culture
• To what degree have these values shaped my thoughts about men and women?
• Do I agree with these values?
• In what way do I disagree?
• When values from different cultures are in conflict, how do I resolve this conflict?
• The five primary values that shape my behavior are?
3. Sexual Anatomy and Functioning
• What questions do I have about sexual anatomy and functioning?
• As I age, I have the following sexual functioning concerns?
• What do I need to learn about my primary partner to help him or her experience sexual health?
4. Sexual Health Care and Safer Sex
• Who is my primary physician? Do I have a relationship with my medical provider where I can talk with him/her regarding my sexual behaviors and questions regarding health issues?
• Identify your safer sex rules?
• Why do I have these boundaries?
• Think about your safer sex behaviors and risky sex behaviors. If I engage in unsafe sexual behaviors or if I place myself at risk for HIV, STD and/or pregnancy risk, my plans to address this are:
• If you are HIV+ what are your rules regarding disclosure of your status to your sexual partners?
5. Challenges and Barriers to Sexual Health
• Chemical Use
• Mental Health
• History of Abuse
6. Body Image
• What are three messages you have about your body?
• What are your plans to create a healthy body image?
7. Masturbation and Fantasy
• Identify three favorite fantasies. Write these out and be as detailed and specific as possible.
• What are my unhealthy fantasies, or fantasies I want to avoid?
• What are my current values toward masturbation and fantasy?
• What are my current appropriate masturbation behaviors? (Where, when how often?)
• What are my rules toward disclosure to my partner of my masturbation behaviors?
• What are my rules toward disclosure of fantasies to your partner?
• Have you reviewed these with your partner? Does he/she agree with these values? If there is disagreement, what is your plan to address the disagreement?
• What are my current values toward sexually explicit material?
• What sexually explicit material is acceptable? Why?
• What sexually explicit material is not acceptable? Why?
• What are the rules in your relationship regarding disclosure of your use of sexually explicit material?
8. Positive Sexuality
• Sexuality is a major focus of energy in your life. The following questions reflect that your sexual energy is healthy and when channeled in healthy ways can bring new life, energy and strengthen relationships both with your partner and with others in your life. The following questions are designed to be integrative. You should have a sense of harmony in your definition within these responses.
• How do you develop new ways of sexual expression?
• How do you express sensuality?
• Who is an appropriate sexual partner? (Age, sex, relationship, etc.)
• What types of sexual behaviors are healthy?
• What types of sexual behavior should be avoided?
• When is it appropriate to be sexually active?
• Where is it appropriate to be sexually active?
• What are healthy reasons to engage in sexual behavior?
• What are unhealthy reasons to engage in sexual behavior?
• What is the preferred level of physical touch?
• What kind of touch is acceptable?
• How will I ask to have my sexual needs met?
9. Intimacy and Relationships
• Identify the top three types of intimacy that are the most important for you.
• Identify 3–5 people who can help you meet those intimacy needs
• How satisfied are you with your level of intimacy in these three areas. If you aren’t satisfied, identify a plan to increase your level of satisfaction.
10. Spirituality
• Is anything listed in the previous 10 areas in conflict with your spiritual values? If so, reexamine and resolve this conflict. Are you living the life you love? To the degree that you are not, why not?
• What are your plans to resolve these differences?
As part of the submission/clarification process, I was asked to integrate a sexual health approach that could apply to everyone, and not just those who struggle with sexual compulsivity, sexual addiction and/or sexual anorexia. I've included the basics of this workshop here. If you have read other blog entries, you'll see similarity between this post and previous posts. The biggest similarity is with the blog "creating your personal definition of sexual health." This post reflects some further development in the past few months.
Toward a Personal Definition of Sexual Health.
To start with, it is important to define sexual health. The definition of sexual health that I like is published by the World Health Organization. They define sexual health as a . . .
“. . . state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being related to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled” (WHO, 2002).
The definition is complex and represents nearly 30 years of scholarship and development. Sexual health is more a process than a dichotomy answered by a yes/no response. As treatment continues, the key is to help the client develop and improve his or her sexual health. The theoretical model within this workbook is based on Robinson et al (2002) who provides a model consisting of 10 components and highlights the necessary components of defining healthy sexual behaviors. Integrated into the treatment philosophy is an explicit goal of helping the client clarify his or her appropriate sexual behaviors.
1. Talking About Sex
I ask people to identify (or develop) 5 confidants. This means selecting individuals where they understand all aspects of your responses to the questions below. A common theme is the struggle to be open and honest with the important people in your life. I consistently see how people avoid talking with others, disclosing their sex history, or reaching out for help, or breaking the isolation because of fear and shame. A relevant 12-step tradition is "Our secrets keep us sick." Anything you're not talking with these individuals about is an issue to be addressed.
2. Culture and Sexual Identity
• What are my values I learned about sexuality from my culture, be it in a religious tradition, racial culture, social economic status, or sexual minority culture
• To what degree have these values shaped my thoughts about men and women?
• Do I agree with these values?
• In what way do I disagree?
• When values from different cultures are in conflict, how do I resolve this conflict?
• The five primary values that shape my behavior are?
3. Sexual Anatomy and Functioning
• What questions do I have about sexual anatomy and functioning?
• As I age, I have the following sexual functioning concerns?
• What do I need to learn about my primary partner to help him or her experience sexual health?
4. Sexual Health Care and Safer Sex
• Who is my primary physician? Do I have a relationship with my medical provider where I can talk with him/her regarding my sexual behaviors and questions regarding health issues?
• Identify your safer sex rules?
• Why do I have these boundaries?
• Think about your safer sex behaviors and risky sex behaviors. If I engage in unsafe sexual behaviors or if I place myself at risk for HIV, STD and/or pregnancy risk, my plans to address this are:
• If you are HIV+ what are your rules regarding disclosure of your status to your sexual partners?
5. Challenges and Barriers to Sexual Health
• Chemical Use
• Mental Health
• History of Abuse
6. Body Image
• What are three messages you have about your body?
• What are your plans to create a healthy body image?
7. Masturbation and Fantasy
• Identify three favorite fantasies. Write these out and be as detailed and specific as possible.
• What are my unhealthy fantasies, or fantasies I want to avoid?
• What are my current values toward masturbation and fantasy?
• What are my current appropriate masturbation behaviors? (Where, when how often?)
• What are my rules toward disclosure to my partner of my masturbation behaviors?
• What are my rules toward disclosure of fantasies to your partner?
• Have you reviewed these with your partner? Does he/she agree with these values? If there is disagreement, what is your plan to address the disagreement?
• What are my current values toward sexually explicit material?
• What sexually explicit material is acceptable? Why?
• What sexually explicit material is not acceptable? Why?
• What are the rules in your relationship regarding disclosure of your use of sexually explicit material?
8. Positive Sexuality
• Sexuality is a major focus of energy in your life. The following questions reflect that your sexual energy is healthy and when channeled in healthy ways can bring new life, energy and strengthen relationships both with your partner and with others in your life. The following questions are designed to be integrative. You should have a sense of harmony in your definition within these responses.
• How do you develop new ways of sexual expression?
• How do you express sensuality?
• Who is an appropriate sexual partner? (Age, sex, relationship, etc.)
• What types of sexual behaviors are healthy?
• What types of sexual behavior should be avoided?
• When is it appropriate to be sexually active?
• Where is it appropriate to be sexually active?
• What are healthy reasons to engage in sexual behavior?
• What are unhealthy reasons to engage in sexual behavior?
• What is the preferred level of physical touch?
• What kind of touch is acceptable?
• How will I ask to have my sexual needs met?
9. Intimacy and Relationships
• Identify the top three types of intimacy that are the most important for you.
• Identify 3–5 people who can help you meet those intimacy needs
• How satisfied are you with your level of intimacy in these three areas. If you aren’t satisfied, identify a plan to increase your level of satisfaction.
10. Spirituality
• Is anything listed in the previous 10 areas in conflict with your spiritual values? If so, reexamine and resolve this conflict. Are you living the life you love? To the degree that you are not, why not?
• What are your plans to resolve these differences?
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Update on recent posts
As you may have realized, I've been busy with a number of new posts. The past two weeks have been very productive. In one of the very early posts, I highlighted how I conceptualized treatment into three stages. These stages are:
Many of the recent posts have highlighted assignments for stage three. The assignments were designed to highlight ideas, issues, and concerns for clients completing the treatment process. In the next few weeks and months, my goal is to highlight additional treatment issues for stage two. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. If you have any suggestions, I also encourage you to contact me.
Weston
1) Problem Identification
During this stage, you will have opportunities to examine your sexual behaviors and assess the level of compulsiveness. You will complete a number of assignments examining your sexual history, and your acting out cycle. Based on your findings, you will be able to identify the major topics that will need to be addressed in your journey toward improved sexual health.
2) Primary Treatment
Once you have identified the major issues during stage 1, the second stage of treatment helps you begin the work on the issues by providing assignments and resources for the most frequently identified issues. Not every issue you identified may be included; you may need to address additional issues. And, in reviewing the topics, you may identify additional concerns that contributed to your acting out cycle. Not all of the issues will apply but it is recommended give serious consideration to each topic.
3) Prevention Planning
The third stage of treatment attempts to stabilize the growth and movement toward sexual health that occurs in stage two. Stage thee attempts to help you reach out to others for support, encouragement and accountability. You are also encouraged to consider how you would live a life you love and the impact of sexual health in personal self-fulfillment. The goal is to develop plans to move in that direction.
Many of the recent posts have highlighted assignments for stage three. The assignments were designed to highlight ideas, issues, and concerns for clients completing the treatment process. In the next few weeks and months, my goal is to highlight additional treatment issues for stage two. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. If you have any suggestions, I also encourage you to contact me.
Weston
Friday, December 7, 2007
Creating Sexual Health
Integrated into my treatment philosophy is an explicit goal of helping the client clarify his or her appropriate sexual behaviors. Toward this goal, it is important to understand what sexual health is. The definition of sexual health that I liked the most was published by the World Health Organization. They define sexual health as a . . .
“. . . state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being related to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction or infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive and respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled” (WHO, 2002).
The definition is very complex and represents nearly 30 years of scholarship and development.(For those desiring an understanding o f the history of defining sexual health please see one of the papers that came out of my dissertation [ Edwards & Coleman, 2004]). Sexual health is more a process than a dichotomy answered by a yes or no. As treatment continues, the key is to help the client develop and improve their sexual health. I found another article helpful in framing the process toward sexual health. Robinson et al (2002), provides a model which consists of 10 components which are briefly summarized.
The Ten Components of the Sexual Health Model.
1. Talking About Sex is a cornerstone of the Sexual Health Model. This includes talking about one’s own sexual values, preferences, attractions, history, and behaviors. As you can see, the first exercise is about evaluating your ability to talk about sex.
2. Culture and Sexual Identity are instrumental to understanding one’s sense of sexual self. It is important that individuals examine the impact of their particular cultural heritage on their sexual identities, attitudes, behaviors, and health.
3. Sexual Anatomy and Functioning assumes a basic knowledge, understanding, and acceptance of one’s sexual anatomy, sexual response, and sexual functioning. Sexual health includes freedom from sexual dysfunction and other sexual problems.
4. Sexual Health Care and Safer Sex covers a broad perspective encompasses knowing one’s body, regular self-exams and responding to physical changes with appropriate medical intervention. Examination of one’s safer sex behaviors is critical.
5. Challenges and Barriers to Sexual Health include the major areas of as sexual abuse, substance abuse and compulsive sexual behavior. Other challenges might include sex work, harassment, and discrimination. Treatment must address these areas.
6. Body Image requires challenging the notion of one narrow standard of beauty and encouraging self-acceptance. Sexual health requires a development of a realistic positive body image.
7. Masturbation and Fantasy can be a healthy expression of sexuality. It is important for individuals to clarify their values on masturbation and fantasy. Too often, masturbation and fantasy are linked with shame because of the historical myths associated with sin, illness, and immaturity.
8. Positive Sexuality recognizes that all human beings need to explore their sexuality in order to develop and nurture who they are within a positive and self-affirming environment. Positive sexuality includes appropriate experimentation, sensuality, sexual competence developed through the ability to get and give sexual pleasure and setting sexual boundaries.
9. Intimacy and Relationships. Intimacy can take many forms and is a universal need that people meet through relationships. Sexual health requires knowing which intimacy needs are important for the individual and appropriate ways to meet these needs.
10. Spirituality and sexual health assumes congruence between one’s ethical, spiritual, and moral beliefs and one’s sexual behaviors. Spirituality may or may not include identification with formal religions, but always addresses moral and ethical concerns and deeper values in order to integrate a person’s sexual and spiritual selves.
Conclusion
The exercises and assignments in this blog and in my treatment work are designed to help an individual in their process toward improved sexual health as presented in the sexual health model. The process is extensive, requires significant work and effort. In my opinion, sexual health can be reduced to a process of integrity toward one’s behaviors and one’s values. Hence, the previous conversation on integrity takes one a new level of importance. I cannot define for the individual what is “sexual health.” Only the individual can do so. My commitment is to you express your sexuality with integrity.
References:
Edwards, W. M., & Coleman E. (2004). Defining sexual health: A descriptive overview. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 33(3), 189-195.
Robinson, B. E., Uhl G., Miner, M., Bockting, W. O., Scheltema, K. E., Rosser, B. R. S., & Westover, B. (2002). Evaluation of a sexual health approach to prevent HIV among low income, urban, primarily African American women: Results of a randomized controlled trial. AIDS Education and Prevention, 14(Suppl. A), 81-96.
World Health Organization (2002). Gender and Reproductive Rights, Glossary, Sexual Health, http://www.who.int/reproductive-health/gender/glossary.html.
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