Integrity (Merriam-Webster): The quality or state of being complete or undivided.
One of my major goals in fostering sexual health is to help individuals move toward integrity in the realm of sexuality. A number of important characteristics are identifiable by a person living in integrity.
1) HONESTY. You speak what you mean and you mean what you speak. In other words, if you relapse or act out, you're honest about what happened. Everyone who needs to know, knows. In terms of your sex history/timeline, everything is on the table.
2) COMPELTE. When something happens, you are completely thorough about what occurred. You actively volunteer all information versus playing a cat and mouse game about not disclosing information. Remember, your support network is on YOUR side; it isn’t a game of gothca!
3) ASSERTIVE. Ultimately, integrity requires you to speak your opinion and beliefs. If your partner, support network, group or even your therapist wants you to do something, but you don’t want to, the key is to say so and be assertive in your communication. As you finish your personal definition of sexual health, it reflects YOUR needs, wants and desires communicated to your support network.
4) BALANCE. On a philosophical level, I believe integrity reflects balance. If something feels out of wack, say so. When you ride a bicycle, for example, you know when you are in balance. The same is true for integrity. You know when you are in balance in the realm of sexuality.
5) COMMITMENT. The classic saying, “When you fall off a horse, get back on.” applies to this characteristic. Are you willing to continue doing the work when a problem occurs?
6) ENDURANCE. The going will be tough; it will require energy to keep going when you feel like giving up. When in conflict, a desire to run away is normal but endurance requires us to stay in the conversation even when anxious or fearful.
Have a question? Or an opinion? Please email or post to http://sexualhealthinstitute.blogspot.com
Showing posts with label balance. Show all posts
Showing posts with label balance. Show all posts
Monday, April 26, 2010
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Recovery and balance
“The quest stands upon the edge of a knife. Stray but a little and it will fail. But hope remains, if friends stay true.” Tolkien, Fellowship of the Ring.
The quest for sexual health, for recovery, for life is a journey requiring balance. And yet, balance is the aspect that is missing the most. Until balance is discovered, recovery is at risk. It doesn’t take much to push the individual off the edge resulting in damage, hurt, and pain both for the individual and his/her network.
Individuals in early recovery struggle with the concept of balance. Regardless of the type of compulsivity/addiction, an individual losses balance in their life. Like a spinning top, an addict’s life is spinning more and more out of control until it crashes. When the addict picks up the banner of recovery, he or she may start the recovery with the same fervor of the addiction. Instead of 90 in 90, they go to 90 in 90 volunteering as trusted servant, 8 sponsors and by day 90 have 3 sponsees. There is a move from multiple sexual acting out to absolute abstinence that denies the sexuality of the individual. This spinning top of “recovery” continues until a relapse occurs because of the lack of balance.
Three strategies for developing balance are:
1) Develop a plan.
As you start the recovery process, with your treatment team and support network it is important to develop a recovery plan. In that plan you need to define what recovery will look like for the next 90-180 days. Components of the plan include arrangements addressing living, treatment, relationship, and aftercare aspects of recovery. Obviously a higher level of structure and insight into the plan are important.
2) Follow the plan.
Once you have the plan, FOLLOW the plan. If you and your team develop a plan that you don’t like, say so at the beginning. If you agree to the plan, follow it. This sounds obvious, but I’ve seen plenty of plans that are not followed leading to a relapse.
3) Follow the plan.
What, he just said that. Too often, people will change the plan because they don’t like it. I encourage people in early recovery to stick to the plan unless there is imminent danger. Yes, it may be work, uncomfortable, or disliked. But sticking to the plan is about addressing the factors leading to the relapse. Making quick changes is a warning sign. Changes that are reactive are a concern. Changes that are reflective are possible when discussed. When changes are necessary, the changes need to be reviewed with your support network and treatment team.
The quest for sexual health, for recovery, for life is a journey requiring balance. And yet, balance is the aspect that is missing the most. Until balance is discovered, recovery is at risk. It doesn’t take much to push the individual off the edge resulting in damage, hurt, and pain both for the individual and his/her network.
Individuals in early recovery struggle with the concept of balance. Regardless of the type of compulsivity/addiction, an individual losses balance in their life. Like a spinning top, an addict’s life is spinning more and more out of control until it crashes. When the addict picks up the banner of recovery, he or she may start the recovery with the same fervor of the addiction. Instead of 90 in 90, they go to 90 in 90 volunteering as trusted servant, 8 sponsors and by day 90 have 3 sponsees. There is a move from multiple sexual acting out to absolute abstinence that denies the sexuality of the individual. This spinning top of “recovery” continues until a relapse occurs because of the lack of balance.
Three strategies for developing balance are:
1) Develop a plan.
As you start the recovery process, with your treatment team and support network it is important to develop a recovery plan. In that plan you need to define what recovery will look like for the next 90-180 days. Components of the plan include arrangements addressing living, treatment, relationship, and aftercare aspects of recovery. Obviously a higher level of structure and insight into the plan are important.
2) Follow the plan.
Once you have the plan, FOLLOW the plan. If you and your team develop a plan that you don’t like, say so at the beginning. If you agree to the plan, follow it. This sounds obvious, but I’ve seen plenty of plans that are not followed leading to a relapse.
3) Follow the plan.
What, he just said that. Too often, people will change the plan because they don’t like it. I encourage people in early recovery to stick to the plan unless there is imminent danger. Yes, it may be work, uncomfortable, or disliked. But sticking to the plan is about addressing the factors leading to the relapse. Making quick changes is a warning sign. Changes that are reactive are a concern. Changes that are reflective are possible when discussed. When changes are necessary, the changes need to be reviewed with your support network and treatment team.
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