Identifying the transforming values of your life.

Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. (Gandhi)

A task toward sexual health is to define the values by which you want to live your life. It is done in community/connection with others. The process of clarifying your values, and the behaviors consistent with those values is the experience of discovering your truth. My experience suggests an individual is much more successful when their life that reflects their truth. For some individuals, discovering or naming their internal truth is asking a blind man to describe a color. Due to shame, guilt, fear, failure, or any number of reasons, many individuals cannot name the most important values in their life that truly represent their core.

Paradoxically, others can be the source of the primary values in your life. What we like and dislike in others reflects our inner core. Briefly, that to which we are drawn reflects an inner craving that we must address. That which we reject reflects an inner craving that we must address. Transference is a tool where you can recognize what is most important in your life. You can recognize these values by identifying various pivot points in your life. It is in these pivot points where we get a sense of something more in our life. In the pivot points a person experiences awe, amazement, horror, beauty which can be used to connect with others. The experience is rewarding, but isn’t always easy. Sometimes these are values that we have and want to express more; or, it may be values we don’t have and want to obtain.

Blessing and Sexuality

A friend gave me a copy of David Spangler’s book, “Blessing.” Spangler looks at what blessing means, and how giving or receiving a blessing is such a profound act. For Spangler, blessing is a sharing of spirit. Blessing transcends a specific act and evokes a profound connection. Blessing comes from the depths, and takes us into new depths. Blessing brings us into a fuller relationship with life. Blessing is a gift. Blessing is a manifestation of our spirit. Blessing is a linking to our inner sacred space. Blessing is done with respect, honor and love. Blessing is connection. Blessing is an experience of wholeness.

I see sexuality as a blessing. Sadly, however, many people see sexuality as a curse rather than the transforming characteristics it can have.

In my work, I focus on sexuality as a vital expression of our identity and life energy. My profound question is to take the previous paragraph, and substitute the word blessing with the word sexuality. What would it look like if you saw your sexuality as a blessing?

Relapse and Healing

Obviously, no one likes to relapse. It often feels like a failure. Rather then emphasize the failure, the process of change can take a relapse and learn from it. When you examine the conditions that occurred in a relapse, you might uncover an unknown issue; or, you might recognize an issue you were avoiding is more important than you previously believed. Similarly, you might recognize you need to develop a different plan on a topic that you thought you addressed.

Sexual Health Life Coaching

Sexual Health Life Coaching addresses sexuality from a wellness approach. Sexual Health Life Coaching is an opportunity to focus integrating sexuality as part of your amazing life. The basic premise I bring to my work is that you are first and foremost a whole person. Yes, you are a person whose sexuality is sacred. In the area of sexuality, rarely do we start from the place of sacredness of sexuality. Even linking the term sacred and sexuality brings confusion, shame, fear, and suspicion. Our society shames sexuality. Many religious traditions link sexuality to sinfulness and brokenness. The domain of psychology often focuses on fixing the negative aspects in an individual’s life.

Perhaps along the way, you’ve stumbled. Heck, we all do. Nevertheless, I believe in the beginning you started in an honored place. This honored place included an integration of your sexuality as a positive energy in your life. In our current society, this may seem impossible to conceptualize. What would it look like to come back to the place of integration, wholeness, and yes, even sacredness of sexuality? What would it look like if for the next moment, you saw your sexuality as a profound gift? How would your life change if you embraced this energy? This is the focus of sexual health life coaching.