Saturday, June 6, 2009

Sexual Health For All/Pursuit of Sexual Happiness

Why start a second workbook.

Shortly after completing the first workbook, I started this edition. The workbook evolves from the request of “I don’t have a problem, but I want to learn more.” I struggle with some of the topics, but I’m not compulsive/addictive/avoidant, simply unhappy in the realm of sexuality. While people used the compulsivity workbook, it wasn’t really the best fit. Thus started this workbook.

More than 100 years ago, Williams James highlighted the concepts of once-born and twice-born people. The once-born rarely considers evil, or even imperfections within the self. Once-born are not na├»ve. They simply have a perception of their identity that is straightforward and direct. The application of these concepts to the field of sexuality is very helpful. Once-borns never think about sexuality, it’s not any issue. They simply exist as sexual beings and usually have a level of contentment that the second-born never experience. If you have the advantaged of being once-born, congratulations.

Twice-born individuals, however, have the opposite experience. For any number of reasons, twice-borns struggle in life. Life is something to understand and challenge. The inner conflict is an integral part of the difference. As you could guess, the conflict extends to the realm of sexuality.

This workbook is committed to both once-born and twice-born. For the once-born, I hope to provide resources to help you understand the diversity of sexuality, and the richness that can develop in response to discovery.

For the twice-born, I empathize with your journey. I too have journeyed the depths of confusion, despair, frustration and paralysis. I would add, however, that integration and happiness is possible. “Living a life I Love” is possible, just like the once-born. This workbook is designed to provide a breadth of information in your journey. When you find a topic particularly relevant, seek out more information.

Often, when a once-born and twice-born are partnered, the probability of conflict is extremely high. The once-born simply doesn’t understand the difficulties. This understanding isn’t out of ignorance or avoidance, or minimizing. They simply don’t understand. Hopefully reading and working through these topics you will understand your partner. My hope is to help you both develop the wherewithal to provide and facilitate mutual understanding, respect and love.

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