A sex-positive approach to healing sexual compulsivity

I work with many individuals whose view of sexuality is amazingly negative. For any number of reasons ranging from abuse, “-isms,” fear, trauma, cultural and/or religious messages, many of my clients have a very negative view of sexuality in general and their sexuality in particular. Many individuals tell their personal story about how they need chemicals to shut of these negative messages. Others use chemicals to medicate their shame. Due to the “bad” aspect of sex, clients aren’t able to link intimacy and sexual behavior. In other words, why would I share sex with someone I love?

The approach I take in treating sexual health/sexual compulsivity is sex positive. A review of the literature leads to a smattering of definitions. Here are a number of characteristics I consider sex positive.

1) Sexuality is an essential and vital part of your life, and needs to be integrated with your personhood.
2) Sexuality is a life-enhancing part of your life, creating energy, happiness, and celebration. Even if a sexual encounter isn’t great sex, it can still enhance your life.
3) Sexuality is integrated into your primary relationships. This doesn’t mean you engage in sexual behavior with everyone, but each is supported in all aspects of sexuality (i.e., support, talking about sex, relationships, needs, intimacy, etc).
4) Sexuality and sexual expression is remarkably individual. What is healthy for a person depends on the individual. A one-size-fits-all approach doesn’t work.
5) The negative experiences and messages about sexuality have been addressed and resolved as appropriate.