Three Minute Game

A new piece from the workbook. 

(Harry Faddis of Easton Mountain Created this Game.  Used with permission.)

Info about Harry Faddis 

The Three Minute game is an exercise you complete with a sexual partner. It is a safe and playful way to sexually experiment with your partner. The goal is to learn to ask for what you want. It builds on the Assertive Communication exercise (page 60). We often believe we don’t have permission, or we don’t know how to ask our partner for what we want. The three minutes per turn is helpful since you can try anything for three minutes at least once. Be creative and explorative. Be the adult kid in the adult candy shop! If you don’t like it, you will have at least tried a different activity. There are two rounds, with each person having a turn in each round, for a total of 12 minutes. Determine who will go first.

Round 1: Round one has you ask your partner to do something to you.

Turn 1: The first person says to the second person:

“I would like you to do ________(fill in the blank) to me.”

The second person responds “yes,” “no,” or negotiates an alternative. The key, however is to respond “yes” as much as possible. The person asking the question has the permission to ask for anything. I encourage you to ask for something beyond your self-imposed limits. The second person does the behavior for 3 minutes.

Turn 2: The second person now says to the first person:

“I would like you to do ________(fill in the blank) to me.”

The first person responds “yes,” “no,” or “negotiates an alternative. The key, however is to respond “yes” as much as possible. The person asking the question has the permission to ask for anything. I encourage you to ask for something beyond your self-imposed limits. The first person does the behavior for 3 minutes.

Round 2: Round two focuses on what you want to do to your partner.

Turn 1: The first person says to the second person:

“What would you like to do ________(fill in the blank) to me?

The second person describes what he/she would like to do. The person responding to the question has the permission to do anything to the person asking the question. The first person responds, “yes,” “no,” or negotiates an alternative. The key, however is to respond “yes” as much as possible. I encourage you to ask for something beyond your self-imposed limits. The second person does the behavior for 3 minutes.

Turn 2: The second person now says to the first person:

“What would you like to do ________(fill in the blank) to me?

The first person describes what he/she would like to do. The person responding to the question has the permission to do anything to the person asking the question. The first person responds, “yes,” “no,” or negotiates an alternative. The key, however is to respond “yes” as much as possible. I encourage you to ask for something beyond your self-imposed limits. The second person does the behavior for 3 minutes.

After you complete the two rounds, debrief with your partner. Consider what you liked, disliked, what you felt, thought or experienced. What would you do again, ask for differently, and so on.