Saturday, September 1, 2012

The Big “O”rgasm

The Big “O”rgasm

One of the difficulties in sexual functioning and sexual expression is the cultural emphasis and priority on orgasm. The belief that every sex act must result in an orgasm can be a barrier to sexual health. This belief can create performance anxiety inhibiting functioning. You may have the thoughts, “It isn’t good sex unless I had an orgasm.” or, “My partner didn’t enjoy the encounter since she didn’t orgasm.” Undoing the mis-perceptions of orgasm are important. (for example, in men, orgasm and ejaculation are different processes. You may not have both occur at the same time.” 

There are alternatives to emphasizing orgasm. The “Tantric” approach to sexuality is an example of an approach to sexuality that often emphasizes the entire sexual experience and not orgasm. Many of the exercises in the workbook are designed to create pleasurable experiences without an emphasis on orgasm. Yes, you can move any experience toward orgasm, but you don’t have to. The development of sexual skills exercise highlights how orgasm is only one part of the process. All the other skills can be very pleasurable. The exercises on sensual touch and erotic touch are examples of the process. It is possible to have an amazing sexual experience without orgasm.

As you move forward in your sexual health, pay attention to the messages you’ve heard about orgasms. Consider how these messages relate to your chemical use and sexual satisfaction.  One quick way to identify your feelings is to reflect on what you feel when a sexual partner doesn’t orgasm in your presence.  

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