The Big “O”rgasm
One of the difficulties in sexual functioning and sexual
expression is the cultural emphasis and priority on orgasm. The belief that
every sex act must result in an orgasm can be a barrier to sexual health. This
belief can create performance anxiety inhibiting functioning. You may have the
thoughts, “It isn’t good sex unless I had an orgasm.” or, “My partner didn’t
enjoy the encounter since she didn’t orgasm.” Undoing the mis-perceptions of
orgasm are important. (for example, in men, orgasm and ejaculation are
different processes. You may not have both occur at the same time.”
There are alternatives to emphasizing orgasm. The “Tantric”
approach to sexuality is an example of an approach to sexuality that often emphasizes
the entire sexual experience and not orgasm. Many of the exercises in the workbook
are designed to create pleasurable experiences without an emphasis on orgasm. Yes,
you can move any experience toward orgasm, but you don’t have to. The development
of sexual skills exercise highlights how orgasm is only one part of the
process. All the other skills can be very pleasurable. The exercises on sensual
touch and erotic touch are examples of the process. It is possible to have an
amazing sexual experience without orgasm.
As you move forward in your sexual health, pay attention to
the messages you’ve heard about orgasms. Consider how these messages relate to
your chemical use and sexual satisfaction. One quick way to identify your feelings is to
reflect on what you feel when a sexual partner doesn’t orgasm in your
presence.
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